It seems like people who blog a lot are those who have a lot of feelings or emotions so unbearable that they have to post it, as it would seem to them like their sharing it with the world, and the world cries with them. Now how about about "Smile and the world smiles with you, Cry and you cry alone." z. Random stuff again. Anyways, I feel like I'm being doubly ironic to myself. Firstly, I'm starting to want to post a lot, and that is appropriate because of certain 'unbearable' things. However, I do not post about my feelings but about other stuff, like this analysis on myself right now. However appropriate multiple posting is to what's happening to me, I don't use the posts appropriately. Now does that make sense? Does this mean I'm trying to lie to myself, or my way of releasing emotions is by pretending to the world nothing's wrong? Or am I just so good that I can bear the unbearable by myself.
Actually, why not? The last option seems possible. Haven't I done it for so long already? From the time I found out about what happened, until I told a friend who wasn't even very close at that time about it, it was only me and God. I realised I could bear it with God, and not that I'm so unbreakable. God made me less brittle.
Now, when people ask me about it, I realise that friends do care after all. I never needed a blog for all that. I just tell them, "I haven't seen her for a year. You can say she has gone to a very nice place for a holiday." And that, is just enough. It releases my feelings to no one, yet to me, they are gone from that cage.

When we are happy or when we are blue,
God is aware of whatever we do;
All our sorrows He takes as His own,
And He will never leave us alone.
spoke at : 11:57:00 PM


Ohh.. crap.. I can don't count A Maths in my L1R5 for prelims anymore I think.. Which leaves me without option, I must do well for Physics. Which was today. Paper 2 was quite average, hope to get an A2??, then I'll chiong study for MCqs, ya? Chem, E Maths, D&T are just free 1s to count in l1r5. Of course, complacency is bad, still will study, hard.

Life's getting boring, people would agreee, with exams after exams. Sometimes I can't help but think how great it is to be a Christian. Faith is such a never-failing medicine, though difficult to achieve. I admit when that after I pray, I become complacent, in a good way. Maybe the right word is not complacent, but assured.

So how to get rid of boredom? Get a hobby. Don't study so much for exams. Read books and count it as english in your lifelong learners challenge. I'm still composing pure audio tracks, voiceless, ahh but what do the people reading this know about it... Maybe I'll post some works soon.
spoke at : 6:25:00 PM


Finally have a break for a while... E Maths was too easy... hope paper 2 would be more difficult.. Tagboard's dead.. so are the people who type in it. We are all going retarded with our prelims.. Friday's the killer day, Physics and A Maths.. the 2 most crazy subjects in the world. Going to study, wish I could type more...
spoke at : 8:09:00 PM


English Oral... maybe not an A1 after all...
Well, I have definitely participated in competitions before, and that is the National Bible Quiz Competition last year. My team and I had to take a theory test we had previously studied for at a school. Later on, we and the many other teams from schools around Singapore set off to different checkpoints to complete assigned tasks, related to what we had studied earlier.
Umm.. yes my team won the 3rd position, but that could not have been done without the help of our mentors like our CCA teacher and pastor who taught us and prepared us for the competition.
I would prefer to work in a team, because, in a team, we can split up the work, making ourselves more productive. At the same time, as a team, we encourage and motivate one another along the competition, keeping us in confidence and determined to do our best.
I do think that winning is important, though not the most important in a competition. Winning gives the individual, or team, a sense of achievement, a good form of motivation, to make them want to do their best the next time. It also builds team spirit and bonds the members more closely in a team when them accomplish something together.
However, being too overwhelmed by the wanting to win may bring about negative changes in a person's character and attitude. He may attempt to use illegal methods to achieve his goal, like cheating or, in a sports competition, use violence to deter his opponent as all he thinks about is winning the competition, the glory and fame.
I'm nervous for Eng Paper 1...
spoke at : 9:14:00 PM


Something tells me the 1000 hours thing in the Life long learners challenge was created for fun. As in, he doesn't mean for anyone to achieve it. For anyone to even dream of it, he must have studied 97 hours by today, which I have tried and conclude is impossible unless you are some robot or are a nerd with no social life. Okay. I did sign up for 1000 hours, knowing it was impossible, probably did it for hope of a greater motivation to study. So I have 61 hours now. I am 30 hours short, which is equivalent to to slacking for 3 days.
So lets talk about the more practical goal - 500 hours. Upon completion, you get a certificate of achievement, yay, like thats gonna help me get into ac. Next, I get discounts from a bookshop I won't even be going to after 'O' levels, how smart.. And a personalized letter of encouragement from school leaders! Hm.. I wouldn't mind a note from my principal encouraging me for studying so hard, like, after my exams.. thats very helpful...
One thing that achieving 1000 hours gets you - "An invitation to have tea with the school leaders for encouragement" Tell me, how fake does that sound... And of course, to make everything else seem possible so that we will actually try, there's a 5000 hours, which means we have to study 48 hours a day from 1st August..

Oh no, I just wasted 10 minutes typing this, I better get back to my introverted life of reaching a goal of 1000 hours before 12th November.
spoke at : 10:30:00 PM


National Day activity --- time waster, but fun.

I slept in the afternoon. This time I was in some cool building, which was really tall, or deep. There was a loud commotion, and I found out that the 4B students (don't ask me why, I don't control dreams) were rebelling. Or something like that. I led some people up the winding stairs to the top where they were. Before I could do anything, one of them shot me. And at that time I think that I died. I wouldn't say that it was really cool, but it was. The feeling was indescribable. At that time, I thought I was sleeping or shocked from the sudden attack. It was just pure darkness for a while. I tried to force myself to wake up but in vain. Even my breathing had stopped, but it didn't seem I was suffocating. It was a really weird sensation. Then my vision returned and I realized I was a form of ghost, where we just meaninglessly existed. I could see other people who had died before. I saw Marcel, again I don't know why. Then a sudden presence I felt, unnatural but familiar, and I recognized her at once. It was that split second after what I was excited, shocked, sad to see, that I woke up.

It was after I woke, thinking about the dream in bed. It was extremely real, not like other blurred or distorted dreams. It occurred to me that that sensation would be what she had felt before, where you thought you were asleep and tried to wake up. To wake up to your family, to your friends, to anyone else special. But you would know it was impossible, you were dead already.
spoke at : 8:11:00 PM


Just the 10 more days, to that Saturday, which was, what a -------- Friday it was last year. I really can't think of a word to describe it. In just 10 days, I would be back, at that cold but warm place. The people who were once on the face of this earth, with family and friends who loved them, are gone, and without them, that place is cold. Yet God is there, and they all probably all went to be with him, and I feel His presence.
I would be sad, over some things not that cannot be mentioned here, but at the same time, happy, over some things.
People say we only treasure things after we have lost them, but what about me? I did treasure, but after losing, don't I still feel the same as the others?
spoke at : 11:10:00 PM